Rockin Rythms

so there is something wrong with my car. the gas tank won't fill...i go to pump it...and it sounds like it's filling...then it clicks acting like its full..and all the gas i have been pumping is coming out...and some of it sits there in the opening to the tank....it won't fill...took gen to the er last night come to find out she has bronchial pneumonia and laryngitis so we went to go pick up her medicine box at rite aid...come to find out that they don't fill kaiser perscriptions and that she would have to pay top dollar for them and it roughly came out to be 200.00 so we go to the kaiser building because there was no way ....we would be paying 200.00 and gen needed her antibiotics....so we get there...in the pharmacy they tell since we didn't go to them for the check up that we would have to pay their prices for the meds...and he wanted to know why we didn't go to kaiser in the first place and we told him that we took her to the ER...fucker....so the meds would have been 90.00...he told us that if we went up to the 2nd floor and go see a doctor that gen would get her co payment on her meds....so we do this...and since gen had the notes from the doctor at tracy sutter hospital she didn't have to see him he just went ahead and sent the meds through down to the pharmacy...which then came too 45.00 and some change.

tomorrow i get to have fun calling a mechanics place about my car. and hopefully it isn't going to be an arm and a leg. gen and i did some research on it and it doesn't sound too bad...but FUCK'N A...this circle of crap is never ending and i just want us to be happy. instead of stressed. i feel sorry for gen. i really do. i wish she didn't have to work so much. i had called the guy at the dollar store about my application and he said that they weren't hiring right now but things change and if i don't hear from him at the end of next week...to give him a call. so in that time i have sent my resume out to about 15 different people so far. no bites...YET. i just don't wanna feel like shit anymore. i know i didn't plan on getting fired...but part of me feels like i should have never quit kinko's...even though it was better for me to do so because i wan't happy there anymore anyways. but man...i just want us to breathe again. i want gen to be able to stop worrying.
my head hurts...feels like its going to explode....i'm getting something and i just want to be better already. i have to look up on medi-cal or medicare and get me some of that crap.
other than that...things are things.....and i'm going to go.

i have decided to go ahead and try and start selling shirts out my own home. but that means i need to get a heat press, the paper, the shirts, the hoodies, and whatever else i can think of....but that means i need the money. i would use whatever i get back from doing taxes..but i can't. i have to pay back mom and pops, pay for a pet deposit and bills. soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *gets excited and squeals*....if i get this job at the dollar store (hey i know it's nothing glamorous, but it'll be a job i won't feel helpless)...i could set aside 200.00 from each check to save up for the press. i found a site where they sell the heat presses and paper to go with it. i also found a viynl cutter for cutting out stickers on viynl and heat viynl for shirts
so yes...now i have a plan, a goal, and i'm excited about it. i am also going to change the name. i'll keep that to myself until futher notice. i've been doing a lot of research so far...and i am still getting excited over this.

the future so bright ...i gotta sing and dance..

*big sigh*...yeah...*sigh*....

i guess i thought i was going to write something....and just like when i put my pencil to my drawing book...nothing.

*sigh*...maybe i should just go to bed....


yeah...

my dad's check never arrived...my account was over drawn 102. something....but gen got paid today and so it's ok...we have money and now we can do grocery shopping and we need everything. i haven't been HUNGRY in a long time..and that is probably a good thing. i have to take gen to work so i can have the car to take care of the rest of the runnin around. i don't care that i have to do it by myself...i actually enjoy since i haven't been out of the apartment in f o r e v e r....she says i can go out...but i feel weird going with out her.....my friends don't call me as much...i can't tell if i have talked to them more while i lived in GA. but i moved back here because i missed everyone and for them. but life is all about changes...i just like the fact that when i am out and about i feel incredibly shy around people....especially around people i have known for a long time. i know i need to get out more...i just need a job that is all...soon i hope soon...i have to turn in my application....i don't want my gf and i fighting because of stress.....it's lame and things are said that don't mean to be said....gen wants to break the lease to get a job closer....i don't even want to know how much that is going to cost. our lease is up in september...so i DUNNO. she wants to go to NY in april for a visit...so i don't know how that is going to happen...unless...we save half of our refunds from taxes...if nothing big comes from doing them. i can't wait to go to NY i have never been there..and i am excited and nervous meeting her mom and her friends. but i'll be takin my camera and be taken lots o pics...and extra batteries...nothing ruins a shot when your batteries die...ugh....i need to go to bed....i dont feel tired though..but i wanna be in my baby's arms...ya know?

i wanted to share this. i made it in illustrator cs3 and it's like the second person i have done in this program. the first one was of sarah mcclachlan when i learning how to use the illustrator.

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so last night was one of my friends bday, that i was invited to, but never kept up on the details. my "friend" alex texted me if i had found out the details and i texted him back with a no and that victor..tavo's bf...never got back to me...i don't have victors phone number..so no one got back to me that whole night. someone did call but i don't pick up my phone when it reads "private" number on it and they didn't leave a message. i am so sick of this shit with them. they didn't call me for my bday didn't do anything. my gf set up a little party and that was nice...but they didn't even call me to wish me a happy bday. i'm just gonna let this slip out of my hands because ever since i have gotten back to california i have been treated like nothing from them. so fuck them.

so...i checked our bank account and i am really hoping that our rent check goes through because i would have that go through and just pay on the car again. i am hoping also that i get a job at the place my brother works at. i know gen hasn't said to get a job yet to help out...but i am feeling really worthless. we can't live like this. my unemployment check has ran out i either get the last friday or saturday...gen said she is going to pick up extra shifts at work..but for some reason i just feel really guilty about not chipping in. could it be because i got burned by one ex who didn't work for a really long time? could be the fact that i feel like i am disappointing everyone around me? i know i can't change what happend in the past and what choices i made in the past. but ...i don't feel like myself. i find myself losing intrest in things i used to enjoy. i feel lazy. gross even. i thought i would really enjoy just kickin it at home and doing whatever. i dunno. maybe i am just stressing. but i think i have a right to be. i don't like it. things will get better...in due time i guess.

on how this are remembered what things were said. i have it with my friend scott and my gf genevieve. i go to recall a situation and they tell me i am wrong. and i go to explane the situation again and tell them where they are wrong..and they tell me no...and so this turns into a bicker. there fore i get called a bitch. because everyone remembers everything differently. when i know for a fact that scott get's his occassions mixed up and mixes it all into one memory and i try and help him out by seperating the memories and he gets bitchy with me on it so i let it go. my gf recalled last night something we did...and that turned into a bicker and she gets up rubs her head, collects her plates or dishes and goes and takes a shower in order to just forget the situation or avoid an argument. i will then have to take her step by step the encounter and then it will hit her.

i hate this ...no one fuckin believes me on anything. it turns into something its not. and it pisses me off because they make me look like a fuckin 2 year old throwing a fit.

and i know she gave her ex gf her phone number. i fuckin can't believe she did. she fuckin promised me. PROMISED ME. I DON'T FUCKIN CARE if they were together for 5 years. i don't care if they have a history together. she promised me.

i'm hungry

the other night i had a dream about my ex bitchface number 1....she was all sweet to me and trying to get me back....i hate those dreams...a lot....and then last night i had a dream that i ate some shrooms...and was tripping in my dream...is it a possiblity that i was having a shroom flash back in my dream?

tomorrow is the day...THE DAY....i get to go and see my gurl after 6 months of not seeing her...being that she was in new york and i was in GA at the time and then moved back to california......she finally moved here...and i get to see her tomorrow up until wednesday. i think we will have fun while we are together i just can't wait to have her lips upon mine and yeah....nothing you really need to know about but probably have a porno goin in your head you dirty person you lol....tomorrow is definatly going to drag because i will not want to be here...i just wanna be there NOW!!!!....*sigh*...but i have to wait...so worth it.

i'm scared...that she's changed her mind. i'm scared that everything that came out of her mouth...was empty. i told her tonight on the phone that i missed her...and she got quiet. she hasn't said i love you to me since shes been back....so we are back on to not saying i love you all the time...again....she just made it seem that when she got to cali...it was all about us and our lives starting. i'm all ready for this. i'm ready for her. i'm ready for us to begin. i love her...and i am scared.

so my gurl is here in california...and i am so happy...happy that we are both on the same time zone again...happy that i am only 6 hours from her instead of 7 states away....happy that i'll get to see her...i just can't wait to wrap my arms around her and feel her against me. she called me up all excited saying how georgous it was in san diego and that she was standing outside in a tshirt, shorts and flip flops....shes so freakin cute....god...i am so happy she is in my life...

in about 2 1/2 hours my gf will landin in san diego...CALIFUCKINFORNIA....and i'll only be 6 hours from her. she used to live in new york...i fuckin can't believe it...if she doesn't like it at her sisters house...shes going to come live with me in tracy cali...i just am so excited that i'll be able to see her more often...and thats a high i'm going to get addicted to.

anyone heard of this...? i am going to go and get checked out for this and hopefully be happy in the long run.


http://www.drdonnica.com/display.asp?article=1086

i got my new place....gf will be commin in march....grandmother passed away 3 weeks ago ....and i got a promotion at work.

i just wanna say..that as of february..my gf will be moving to california...to get away and do something for herself...oh and btw...I'M IN CALIFORNIA. i used to live in GA...she lives in NY....then we broke up for 24hours...then got back together ...but in that 24 hours of us breaking up i decided to come home...because i missed everyone here. so ...after being back in cali for a week she calls me up and says that shes sick of her job, she is sick of NY right now..and she is sick not being able to be with me. i am so happy...everything i have ever wanted the most this year..i have gotten..and now she is going to be here with me..ugh..i so cannot wait...

and following this link is my heartbeat http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b185/riahsriah/hottie.jpg

the first meet went really well. i miss her...but she promised that she would be back. so here are a few pics of us...yay for cam phones..me (in glasses) genevieve ( my pitterpatter)

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